Good Trouble

 Good morning!

I can't believe that I've been blogging for a year now!

I have taken you on a journey with me and I don't want to stop, now. 

What blogging has done for me has allowed me to release those inner thoughts and to be more open and honest about my life. To recognize that I am no different from others and to continue walking through life boldly and unapologetically.

 I did that! I'm doing that!

I took a month off because I needed to search for authenticity, again. I needed to return back to my roots and what it really meant for me to blog. In return, I'm feeling an overwhelming sense of pride and joy for the work that I've accomplished in just one year; 16 blog posts!

Have you read them all? What was your favorite? 

I hope that you've laughed with me. I hope you've reflected on the lessons that were there to be learned and applied. And I hope that you've shared with others what I've shared with you because I'm just getting started!

I also took a month off to focus on my wedding! Yes! I made the difficult decision to not only marry during a pandemic, but I also decided to have a wedding. Whew! The stress!

Listen, there are two things that I was absolutely sure about in MY life; I didn't want to have children and I didn't want to get married. 

Look at me, a wife and a step-mom all in the same month. It's true what the elders say, "If you wanna hear God laugh then just tell Him your plans!"

Joke is on me!

There just weren't enough positive images of marriage in my life and let me just say this, don't you dare allow anybody to tell you what you deserve in YOUR life! 

Jealousy is a disease, you gone die mad worrying about me and mine. And I am no longer breaking myself down into tiny pieces for your digestive tract, choke!

Respectfully, of course!

So, yes! This was a very stressful time in my life! We were planning a wedding in less than 3 months and I was definitely in over MY head. I don't plan. I don't decorate. I just wanted to pay the fees and move on with my life. 

The stress of planning it privately. The stress of not focusing so much of my attention on my wedding because I want a healthy marriage!  And just the stress of making sure I was making the right decision. "Is this too soon?" or "Is everything going to turn out right?" I put way too much thought into things that didn't really matter like placards and cup designs and didn't think a thing about music to walk down to or decorations. 

We started out with pre-marital counseling with my Pastor; six sessions turned into eight or nine because we needed to have those difficult conversations; past relationships, family histories, finances, future planning, and more. And let me tell you, Satan was and I'm sure still is very BUSY! There were a couple times where I thought that we wouldn't make and other times where I didn't care to make it, but I think that that is was love and marriage is all about; making the conscious decision to keep going and to keep trying. 

Don't get too excited, though. It was just a wedding ceremony; no bridesmaids, no groomsmen... no unity candles or none of that. It was just his family and mine at my church. So, we decided to just keep things lowkey. There was no mention of a wedding or anything outside of the people involved. The attendees didn't know until weeks prior to the ceremony and that was sent out by screenshot on a phone. I didn't want to take any chances. 

And I didn't want to lose sight of our union. I understand why people have weddings to celebrate, but I just didn't want ill intent on our wedding day. So, I hope that the ones who were invited understand the magnitude of their presence. And those who weren't invited likely lived outta state. COVID, people, COVID! 

I heard the stories of how wedding planning is amazing and how "it's supposed to be the happiest time of your life..." I didn't feel none of that!

It was a very difficult time for me!

I thought that because of the pandemic it would be easier, but nope! 30 people was the limit and it was really hard deciding who to invite and who not which is another reason why I decided not to say anything. It was an 11-minute ceremony, people. Ok?

I cried. A LOT! 

If I'm being completely honest, I didn't even wanna get married at my church. I wanted this at the courthouse; $30. Boom! And then we planned something later on, but seeing as I married a GOOD man,  he said, "No. You said that you wanted to be married at your church by your pastor..." And then he said something that was totally unbelievable, "I don't know if you were joking or not, but you mentioned a while ago that if you ever got married you'd wanna walk down the aisle in red bottoms. I'm going to make sure that happens." So, that's the story behind my pumps!

And it really wasn't about the shoes (THAT much),  but it was the fact that this man loved me so much that he made sure that no matter how small this wedding was, he wanted to make it as special as possible! And naturally, who doesn't wanna get married in their DREAM shoes? HELLO!?

Whew! So, YES! I was married in a custom-made wedding dress accompanied with stunning jewelry from my sister and BEAUTIFUL Christian Louboutin pumps! And he wore a custom-made suit; navy blue with white trim. 

We looked GOOD!

I say all that to say this: It's amazing what can happen when you get out of the way! When I stopped stressing and fighting, things started to line up for me. 

I didn't say any of this to be boastful or to brag, but to understand how hard I was fighting against this wedding. I didn't even wanna go to a store to have that moment to say, "Yes!" to my dress... I wasn't thinking about red bottoms. And I could tell my Pastor was a little wounded when I told him that I wanted to go to the courthouse. I just wanted to be married. I didn't need the extra add-ons. (Says the girl who also had a cape made for her dress!) I just wanted my husband and our families. That's all. 

But as I've always said, I do NOTHING without God! So, I'm very grateful to my husband for standing up and demanding the wedding that we deserved! I mean having MY Pastor of 30 years marry us at my church, the man who has known me longer than any man walking this Earth. The man who has always been a listening ear. And the first one I run to when ANYTHING happens in my life. My Pastor is a GOOD man, too! And it meant a lot to me for him to counsel us, marry us, pray over us and for us... it meant a lot.

In the end, I made it down the aisle and It was indeed thee happiest day of my life! 

Here are just a few photos from my COVID-19 wedding:

 

                             

Now, I will focus on my marriage for the rest of my life!

Without further adieu...

... It IS a pleasure to meet you!